Nonetheless, are you okay with your spouse having a Facebook page (friend or not)?

A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.

Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys says Facebook is mentioned in about 20 percent of divorce cases.

In fact, spouses cheating on Facebook is so common that Ken Savage of Lowell, Massachusetts, created FacebookCheating.com in 2009. This website was created after finding out that his wife had an affair that was initiated on Facebook.  According to website it is a way “to help others cope with someone cheating on them as well as shine light upon someone who is using Facebook to cheat.”

I’m not implying that all spouses on Facebook cheat. In fact, I’m willing to bet that there are more spouses on Facebook that faithful than those who are not. But I can’t help but wonder, What is about social networking sites that make cheating so easy and enticing?

Thoughts?

You know the signs:

Harnessing your mind requires practice and a willingness to reach for happiness, even in the midst of your misery. Too often people wrap the victim label around themselves like a protective garment, reluctant to remove it. But if you can get in touch with the healthiest part inside of you, the one that knows you need to keep building a life for yourself, then you can boost your recovery from heartbreak.

No doubt, time is the best healer, but while we’re waiting, here are some tricks you can use to make it through the days:

Sweep, Sweep, Sweep.

Imagine that your mind is a small, wooden-floored room that keeps getting all dusty and dirty with your negative thoughts. Now visualize a tiny, inch-high cleaning lady snoozing in the corner of the room, an old-fashioned twig broom leaning against her chair. When your thinking drifts into dangerous territory, wake her up and urge her to “sweep, sweep, sweep” away those pesky thoughts! Imagine her working away furiously, tidying up the floor, sweeping all that unwanted muck out the door and making the place spic ‘n span.

Barking Dog.

This simple but effective trick helps you separate yourself from intrusive thoughts. Imagine that you’re walking down the street and you see a dog chained up to a fence next to the sidewalk, barking wildly at you. Continue on your way down the street knowing that the racket he’s making, which represents the cacophony of thoughts in your head, can’t hurt you. It’s just noise. Hold your head up and keep on walking.

Shake it Off.

While we’re on the topic of canines, here’s another very simple option for breaking out of a bad mind-set. You know how a wet dog shakes from head to tail in that goofy way to dry himself off? Well, when you need to lift yourself out of a funk, stand up and literally shake it off. “Shake, shake, shake” from head to toe, good and hard. Waggle your arms, bobble your head, jiggle your derrière (but remember to remove your glasses first!) It’s guaranteed to break the spell at least a little bit. Try it now!

Paint the Wall.

This technique enables you to manage those rotten bad feelings you walk around with. Picture yourself vigorously painting all those angry, hurt, pent-up feelings in strong colors on a great big wall. Use your whole body, jabbing and stroking until the wall is violent with color. Stand back and take a good look at the turmoil exteriorized. Then imagine grabbing a roller, dipping it in a tray of thick white paint and rolling it criss-cross and up and down until the wall is covered all over with a field of pure white. Stand back again and let yourself exhale. Then inhale and breathe in the clean paint smell!

Recovering relatively unscarred from the unwanted end of a relationship requires that you use all your positive energy to fight off those doom and gloom thoughts that hold you back. Happiness is a choice that we have to keep making for ourselves at every twist and turn in our lives — the choice to roll up our sleeves and do whatever it takes to keep moving forward — even shaking like a dog!

About the Author: For more than 25 years, psychotherapist and family counselor Vikki Stark has helped people grow through hard times, solve problems and restore hope for the future.  She is the author of Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal, which grew out of a study of over 400 women who were left out-of-the-blue from what they believed to be happy marriages. Learn more at www.runawayhusbands.com.

Going through a divorce is difficult enough.  The last thing you want to do is feel like you’re being taken advantage of.  Here are a few tips that any woman can use if she is forced to negotiate her own divorce settlement.

Prioritize

If you’re like most people going through divorce, you feel cheated, deprived, and betrayed. You believe you must insist on a laundry list of concessions.

You’re probably right. You should insist on some things that you really need. To accomplish your key goals, though, you need to think through what you absolutely must have, and what you would be willing to give up to get it.

I recommend that you actually write out a list of your priorities. This is not to share with anyone, except maybe your lawyer or coach. It’s to help you devise a strategy – a way to focus on those goals that are key to you.

Put at the top of the list those concessions – money, time, property, whatever – that you absolutely cannot do without. Work gradually down the list to the items that you’d rather have but could easily give up if it would help you accomplish your more important goals.

Clarify

This is your new life. Don’t depend on the old rules. If you and your spouse agree for you to be responsible for the Visa card, make sure you know when your spouse will stop using it. If you’ve decided for the children to live with the other parent every other weekend, make sure you know when and where they’ll be picked up, and when and where they’ll be at the end of the weekend.

If you’re planning to take them camping, make sure the other parent knows it so they won’t have a suitcase full of dress-up clothes. Spell it out. You’ll be glad you did.

Negotiate within the negotiation

Negotiating in divorce is all about trading one thing for another, what I call mooshing. Sometimes the items being traded look and act alike, such as when you take the J.C. Penney bill and your spouse takes the MasterCard bill. Sometimes, though, they can be quite different, such as when you give up the big-screen TV for a touch more alimony or even for a commitment that the kids will go to temple once a month. As long as you keep your attention on the time value of money and think strategically, there’s no problem with mooshing. It’s sort of what you do in divorce.

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What happens when you let people in your life by sharing your personal life with them and then all of a sudden you want to pull back. Is that even possible? Below are ways that you can keep people out of your business, once you’ve allowed them to pry for so long.

No gossiping
It doesn’t matter how justified you think you are in talking about other people’s perceived shortcomings, doing so will never serve to bring about positive results.

When people do things that you don’t agree with or that you don’t understand, all that demonstrates is that they do not see life in the same way that you see it. As a result the very person you are talking to about someone else will turn around and talk about you to someone who will listen.

Whining or Complaining
Whining or complaining will not change a situation. I’m not talking about constructive criticism, learning from our mistakes, or recognizing pitfalls so that we can avoid them in the future. No, I’m talking about when a situation is already clearly less than desirable, yet you continue to talk about how undesirable it is!

No Co-Dependency
All of us have friends, family members, or co-workers who we turn to with real-world issues and ask for their input. Sometimes we are looking for advice, while other times they we just want to “vent”.

Try to limit how often you “vent” to your friends and family members. Going to them with the same issues over again is merely #2.

1. His quirks are no longer adorable—they’re annoying.
Back then, it was kind of cute that he was incapable of being on time; now it’s a major pain in the ass. You used to aww at the way he ate his spaghetti, but these days it just grosses you out. And his love for comic books, while once sweet and boyish, is just further evidence of his immaturity. These things don’t get any cuter with time, sister.

2. The fights are the same.
He still thinks you’re a nag. You can’t stand that he gets so sloppy drunk. He thinks you overreact to every little thing, while you find his aloofness during an argument to be downright cruel. Often couples who are considering a reconciliation focus only on the good times; but what about the many, many times you wanted to kill each other. If you’re fighting over the same crap—or the stuff that you fought over are still issues—move on.

3. The physical attraction just isn’t there.
To a certain degree, don’t we all still kind of love our exes? But that doesn’t mean we’re still turned on by them. Look, desire changes over the course of a relationship, but if you look at your ex and nothing happens below the belt and you can relate to one or all of the other reasons on this list, go put your cooter to work with someone else.

4. Other options have got your attention.
Sure you still care about your ex. But have you developed crushes on others? Been dating or have an urge to keep dating other people? Don’t put your ex through a reunion if you’re still sifting through your other options.

5. One of the main issues is insurmountable.
There are some things people can agree to change about them for the sake of a relationship. Couples can work out a compromise so that both parties are satisfied. But there are some issues that cannot be talked through or ignored in perpetuity; he doesn’t want kids, you do. You’re looking for someone who intellectually challenges you, he’s a dumb ass. This ship has sailed, darlin’.

6. A percentage of your time together genuinely made you very unhappy.
If you’re ever found yourself saying or thinking, “We were so happy, 60 percent of the time,” you should throw in 100 percent of the towel. If you can quantify how often you were miserable while in a relationship with this person, going back for more would be settling in a big way.

7. You’re already totally over him.
Emotionally you’ve moved on. Starting over with him would be like re-watching a movie you’ve already seen, that you know the ending to, and that you have no real interest in seeing twice. Why? Just because? Did you watch “Battlefield Earth” for a second time, just because? No. No you didn’t.

8. You slept with someone else in the interim.
And it was better. Don’t lie. It was, wasn’t it?

9. Your friends and family hate him.
Post breakup, you talked mad smack about the horrible things he did, and as a result, no one would respect you for taking him back. This is a two part lesson: if there’s a chance that things are not over for good, be mindful of what dirty laundry you air to your loved ones. You can forgive and forget, but maybe they can’t.

10. Because getting back together is always a bad idea.
Well, 99 percent of the time is it. These are real statistics, people. Don’t get at me for speaking the truth using hard facts.

Now, to clarify, if one of the below reasons fits you to a T, that does not necessarily mean you should do a Julia Roberts and become a Runaway Bride.  If, however, one of these is the core, primary, driving reasons you’re getting hitched…slow down. Take a few months. Take a year. Think things over, get to know him better, and make sure you’re ready. If he’s the right guy today, he’ll be the right guy a year from today.

8 Reasons You Should NOT Get Married:

1. You’re pregnant!

To clarify, we’re not saying that it’s always a bad idea to get married if you’ve gotten pregnant. It’s well-intentioned. And if it’s coupled with real love and compatibility with your boyfriend, then you have our blessing. But. If the fundamentals are wrong–if you don’t get along, if you barely know the guy, there are other ways you can be responsible for your bundle of joy.

2. You found yourself a Sugar Daddy.

Do you really want to marry for money ONLY?

 3. Settling.

When you purchase clothes, you don’t buy the very finest silk from the very finest brand–you just need something that looks good, fits good, and won’t bust your wallet. Same with your home, your car, your tv. Settling is part of life. We rarely get the best possible thing. Your choice of life partner, however, should never be a “backup.” Know your standards. Stick to them.

4.He’s hot.

This doesn’t mean you need to marry a guy you’re not attractive to. It means that physical attraction is a necessary, but not sufficient, criteria for marriage. You need to really, really, really need to know this guy before you pledge the rest of your life. Sex appeal isn’t forever.

5. Green cards.

More sensible ways of making easy money:  prostitution, and scoring a government bailout.

6. Everybody’s doing it.

Maybe all your high school friends are now wifey’s, buying houses, and having babies. You’re still single. So you’re starting to feel–for the first time in your life, maybe–a little behind the curve. Okay. Fine. That’s a good reason to start thinking about getting serious, but it’s not, by itself, a reason to be a follower.

7. Your family’s pressuring you.

Ummmm… ? You’re not 14 anymore. Don’t let people pressure you into doing something you’re not ready for.

8. You want a dream wedding.

Who doesn’t want the dream wedding but there are ways to go about this and rushing into a marriage is not the way.

The good news for newlyweds? You can greatly increase your chances of having a successful, healthy, happy marriage by implementing a few positive behaviors from the get-go. Here are four behaviors my study shows both strengthen new marriages and are predictive of long-term marital happiness.

Know your partner’s expectations.

Sit down with your partner and each of you write down your top two marriage expectations. Exchange lists and discuss. This exercise will let you know what’s important to your spouse. The EYM study found that knowing your partner’s top expectations is essential for a happy partnership–and even more important than having the same expectations. (See my book for the 16 most common marriage expectations, as reported by couples in the study.)

Be interdependent with your partner.

The EYM study found that when both partners are interdependent socially, emotionally, and financially–that is, what one partner does, feels, or has affects the other–it’s predictive of both short- and long-term marriage happiness. Having separate friends or interests is great; keeping them always separate is not. Also, making aspects of your life your sole concern–such as money or work issues–is not healthy and will lead to trouble down the road.

Do sweat the small stuff.

One of the key findings from the EYM project was that small annoyances–not large ones like illness or job loss–are what erode marital happiness over time. For example, if you don’t like that he leaves his socks around, don’t ignore it. Instead, talk about it by telling him how it makes you feel. If you don’t like that she buys household items without consulting you, let her know why it upsets you. If you don’t sweat the small stuff, you’re more likely to be unhappy later on.

Acknowledge and address gender differences.

My study uncovered some new and significant differences between the sexes. Couples who are aware of these differences typically have an easier time in the relationship. Here are a few key findings: For the wife, relationship talk is an aphrodisiac, but for men, it’s a turnoff! Women remember details of arguments for 2-3 days; men move on from conflict almost instantly. Wives don’t need compliments as much as husbands do because they regularly get affirmation from people outside the home. Men, however, crave affirmation (compliments, small endearments) and need it most from their wives.

From her new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great
* * * * *
About the Author: Terri Orbuch PhD, known as The Love Doctor, is the project director of the landmark, NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage Project, the longest-running study of married couples ever conducted, which has been ongoing since 1986. A practicing marriage and relationship therapist for more than 20 years, she is also a popular love advisor on radio, TV, and peoplemedia.com, most recently seen on NBC’s Today.

So you are divorcing your husband because he drinks too much and his drinking is causing problems in your marriage? He swears in court he hasn’t touched a drop in months. Not so, according to a few photos he was tagged in on facebook that shows him, beer in hand, having a good time last weekend! You tell the court that your husbands claims of your adultery are unfounded, not anticipating that you would have to explain your last facebook status dated 1 week prior that reads, “Me and my new boo are so in love, we had so much fun last night!” would be read in court.

More and more you see celebrities deleting their facebook or twitter personal pages to avoid having to answer to the press about what they wrote.  Valid news agencies are using social media to pull quotes they find  from political figures like Sarah Palin and crafting sound bites for their broadcast.  There are reported cases of people losing their jobs based on what they post on facebook about how they really feel about their boss.

Platforms like facebook and twitter are very public forums. Although you may think it is just for fun, you never know how your tweet or an updated status can affect your real life status off line.

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