Nonetheless, are you okay with your spouse having a Facebook page (friend or not)?

A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.

Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys says Facebook is mentioned in about 20 percent of divorce cases.

In fact, spouses cheating on Facebook is so common that Ken Savage of Lowell, Massachusetts, created FacebookCheating.com in 2009. This website was created after finding out that his wife had an affair that was initiated on Facebook.  According to website it is a way “to help others cope with someone cheating on them as well as shine light upon someone who is using Facebook to cheat.”

I’m not implying that all spouses on Facebook cheat. In fact, I’m willing to bet that there are more spouses on Facebook that faithful than those who are not. But I can’t help but wonder, What is about social networking sites that make cheating so easy and enticing?

Thoughts?

As grown ups, we now know where these little bundles of joy come from (I hope) but here are some of the colorful places we thought babies came from as children:

• God puts a baby in your stomach when you get married
• Babies fell from the sky in baskets
• Babies are dropped off by a pelican
• Babies are picked up from the local pharmacy
• Babies popped out of a girl’s bellybutton.
• Gypsies left babies on adults door steps
• Kissing led to pregnancy

Where did you think babies came from?

You know the signs:

Harnessing your mind requires practice and a willingness to reach for happiness, even in the midst of your misery. Too often people wrap the victim label around themselves like a protective garment, reluctant to remove it. But if you can get in touch with the healthiest part inside of you, the one that knows you need to keep building a life for yourself, then you can boost your recovery from heartbreak.

No doubt, time is the best healer, but while we’re waiting, here are some tricks you can use to make it through the days:

Sweep, Sweep, Sweep.

Imagine that your mind is a small, wooden-floored room that keeps getting all dusty and dirty with your negative thoughts. Now visualize a tiny, inch-high cleaning lady snoozing in the corner of the room, an old-fashioned twig broom leaning against her chair. When your thinking drifts into dangerous territory, wake her up and urge her to “sweep, sweep, sweep” away those pesky thoughts! Imagine her working away furiously, tidying up the floor, sweeping all that unwanted muck out the door and making the place spic ‘n span.

Barking Dog.

This simple but effective trick helps you separate yourself from intrusive thoughts. Imagine that you’re walking down the street and you see a dog chained up to a fence next to the sidewalk, barking wildly at you. Continue on your way down the street knowing that the racket he’s making, which represents the cacophony of thoughts in your head, can’t hurt you. It’s just noise. Hold your head up and keep on walking.

Shake it Off.

While we’re on the topic of canines, here’s another very simple option for breaking out of a bad mind-set. You know how a wet dog shakes from head to tail in that goofy way to dry himself off? Well, when you need to lift yourself out of a funk, stand up and literally shake it off. “Shake, shake, shake” from head to toe, good and hard. Waggle your arms, bobble your head, jiggle your derrière (but remember to remove your glasses first!) It’s guaranteed to break the spell at least a little bit. Try it now!

Paint the Wall.

This technique enables you to manage those rotten bad feelings you walk around with. Picture yourself vigorously painting all those angry, hurt, pent-up feelings in strong colors on a great big wall. Use your whole body, jabbing and stroking until the wall is violent with color. Stand back and take a good look at the turmoil exteriorized. Then imagine grabbing a roller, dipping it in a tray of thick white paint and rolling it criss-cross and up and down until the wall is covered all over with a field of pure white. Stand back again and let yourself exhale. Then inhale and breathe in the clean paint smell!

Recovering relatively unscarred from the unwanted end of a relationship requires that you use all your positive energy to fight off those doom and gloom thoughts that hold you back. Happiness is a choice that we have to keep making for ourselves at every twist and turn in our lives — the choice to roll up our sleeves and do whatever it takes to keep moving forward — even shaking like a dog!

About the Author: For more than 25 years, psychotherapist and family counselor Vikki Stark has helped people grow through hard times, solve problems and restore hope for the future.  She is the author of Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal, which grew out of a study of over 400 women who were left out-of-the-blue from what they believed to be happy marriages. Learn more at www.runawayhusbands.com.

To sum up the progression of your relationship with your step children, you will start a little bit as a baby sitter, later will be perceived in some manner like an uncle or aunt and in the long run as a real relative, a very close member of the family.

Parenting step children requires 7 steps:

1- Be straightforward in introducing who you are and what you want to become for them. Make sure that they are aware you do not want to steal the role of their mum or father. You must stay out of the discipline issue from the beginning. Tell them you will not give punishments but will simply apply what has been set with their mother and father by reporting wrong behaviors to them considering that they decide of the consequences. It is an agreement you have. You just want to know your step children more and to be friends if it seems ok for them. Discuss openly to help them talk about what they are thinking. You are an “intruder” for them, it’s completely natural.

2- Express some interest in your step children’s lives. They probably will find this odd and might not participate a lot but keep being interested in what they do, it will eventually be worth it. Always try to know what is going on in their lives, try to remember what they talk about, the name of their friends, important dates… It will eventually surprise them. Parenting step children is really about being there.

3- Be a team with your loved one. Speak with one voice or the step children may try to turn one against the other and benefit from your disagreements. If your partner legitimates your role in the family, it will be easier for you.

4- Be consistent in your effort to create a good relationship with your step children. It takes persistence of course but don’t lose hope. If you are consistent in your behavior, your step children will more likely know they can rely on you. Just be there for them and respect the time they might need to get closer to you.

5- Spend time alone with them, do things they like. On your way back home, stop by a coffee shop to drink or eat something and talk a little. It will eventually help them to see another part of you and they will remember what you shared and how amusing and nice it was. Doing one-on-one activities can make parenting step children less difficult and will develop the relationship more quickly.

6- Be truthful with what you think. Tell them it is hard for you but that you truly love and care for them. Ask them what they feel. By communicating freely, they will be far more willing to reveal their feelings toward you. Naturally it might hurt a little bit, but since they’ll be surprised you aren’t their enemy and understand them, they will feel compassion for you too!

7- Be funny! It’ll help the family look at things in perspective and will relieve some tensions. Humor will surely help you get closer to your step children.

It would be wrong to claim that parenting step children is extremely easy but with these 7 steps, I am confident you can create your own place in their hearts and become a full member of their family. You are going to be respected and loved. Be there for them, be consistent, entertaining and compassionate.

You should! It’s Summer and the perfect time to plan a getaway with your favorite female friends. As a Cruise Specialist and Independent Franchise Owner of CruiseOne, Renee Gerber can give you some pointers for planning a girlfriend getaway to be remembered for a lifetime.

Do you need to get away? Are you looking to enjoy some quality time with your best girlfriends? You are not alone. It seems that life is busier and more hectic for women everywhere. Does this sound familiar? Each day, you go to work, take care of your family, check on your extended family, and take your kids to sports, ballet or any number of activities they may be involved in. What about you? Have you taken care of you lately? Probably not! This is the main reason why so many women want have a girlfriends’ getaway. So, you have decided to go away, what now? How do you start planning for this great adventure?

Follow these simple guidelines and you will be on your way sooner than you think:

• Get together as a group and determine who is interested in going.
• Gather ideas on where everyone wants to go and what time of year.
• What does everyone want to do while away?
  • Enjoy beach time
  • Lots of activity choices and levels
• Once you have an idea of what everyone wants from their getaway, look at destinations that offer something for everyone.
• Determine a budget that everyone can afford.
• Consider the climate both at home and in your selected destination during the time of year you want to go.
• Are passports required? If so, allow enough time to get them processed if you need a new one. For more information on passports, visit www.travel.state.gov.
• Create an ideal itinerary and allow for some flexibility in the schedule.
• Contact your travel consultant or cruise specialists to assist with finding the best deals and discounts for group bookings.

As you can see, there are a lot of things to consider when planning your girlfriend getaway.  The key to remember is to start planning in advance and follow the guidelines above.  You can make the planning as much fun as the actual getaway!

Oprah Winfrey was told to lose 20 pounds before she could grace the cover of Vogue in 1998

Continuing my discussion with Elisa DeCarlo where we talk about the activism movement and ways we can unify all of us toward the fight for size acceptance.

Cassy: What do you think we can do to bridge the gap between the races?

Elisa: That’s a hard one. I think there has to be active outreach on both parts, but especially on the part of whites, to get women past their shame and see what a phenomenal experience embracing themselves can be. That is a BIG job! Plus, there needs to be a change in the perception that this is a “black event.” For that you’d have to go to your PR people. There might be inclusion of plus-size “acceptable” white women, such as plus-size models like Kate Dillon, larger actresses, etc. There is an article in this week’s Entertainment Weekly (I think) about the rise in plus-size shows. White men have always had the freedom to be fat in our culture–think of all the sitcoms starring fat men and stunningly beautiful skinny women! WTF?

Cassy: When I started the Fuller Woman Network it was my way of trying to bridge the curvy community together as a whole, all people, all races, people who are thin and support the movement, etc. The Expo in the United States was to celebrate all of those entities at one time. Many felt that it was an “urban” event and shied away.

Elisa: Jesus. Urban is code word for Black?

Cassy: Yes it is, not so coded huh?

Elisa: Should we call whites “boonies”?

Cassy: LOL. We can if you like!

Elisa: I’m shocked to read that. Until we learn to come together, white, black, fat, thin, medium sized, it will be harder to effect change. That really makes me angry!

Cassy: It has to be a universal movement. What is your opinion regarding size activists and their role in the movement?

Elisa: One thought I have is that essentially, white size and fat activists tend to feel alone. Maybe they prefer to feel that way, because it makes them “special,” and “different,” and they can derive a sort of superiority about it. I could be way off-base. I work hard to reach out to my readers and in person, which is why I jumped at FFF Week™.

Cassy: Some activists seem very angry and exclusionary, it is hard to bring people to your point of view when you are so abrasive. I am a different type of activist. I feel that we have to understand the reasoning behind the discrimination and meet the challenge to change the perception.

Elisa: I agree with you totally. In some circles I’m considered “not fat enough” to speak to the issues concerned. AS IF!! I don’t know if it’s bringing them to your point of view as much as looking past the differences to the commonalities. Not saying that’s easy. If you’re stuck in the “it’s all the fault of our patriarchal society who want women to be helpless blah blah blah” it’s hard to move forward. It’s giving your power to the “other”. I’m wondering if that line of thinking is a white way of thinking–about how much men control society and perceptions of women. What we need to understand is that men AND women collaborate together to create the images that wreck our self-esteem.

Madame C.J. Walker

Cassy: That is so true! As a black woman, I have always been comfortable in talking about the plus size movement and advocacy for size acceptance in any circle. White people are really enthusiastic in discussion but the follow through is the problem. I get the most follow through from the white corporate realm. This is always encouraging because corporate influence will effect real change.

Elisa: Yes! The more corporate backing you get the more legitimately you’re perceived. An article in the Business Section of the New York Times gives you legitimacy.

Cassy: Similar to race discrimination, if we feed into what some believe black people are: angry, uneducated, shifty, etc. then we are the stereotype. If we feed into the stereotype of people of size: lazy, poor, unlovable, angry-we will become the stereotype.

Elisa: Exactly. Those stereotypes are so embedded, like a cancer in our society. Fat white women are low-class, out of control binge eaters, unhappy, have bad jobs, etc.

Cassy: I am currently in a think tank with people from around the country who are trying to elevate the black community according to their particular expertise. I am working with our issues with defining our beauty. Self esteem is a major component of self- love and size acceptance. My theory is two fold- You have to believe that you are worthy of love and believe that your choices are valid because they are your own. These lessons are things that all women need to learn. Self esteem is a process that creates the path to self-love.

Elisa: Absolutely true. It does not come overnight, and it does not come easily. Both things that all women are told: 1) you are not worthy 2) your choices are wrong if they are not what you’re “expected” to do. That’s why I mentioned the undercurrent of shame at the Curvy Community panel. I mean, there’s a roomful of big gorgeous women–and they are STILL apologizing for being heavy, saying they want to lose weight, or that woman who announced during the panel she shed 100 pounds and was now a personal trainer. Way to make everybody pissed at you!

Cassy: You bring up an interesting point! Why is it not ok to rejoice in someone else’s choice to loose weight?  She was a still part of the “big girls club”! Perhaps it was how she said it?

Elisa: FFF Week™ was a “safe place”, where you didn’t have to feel bad that you DIDN’T lose 100 pounds. She could announce that anywhere and get a lot of praise, etc. I felt like she did it more to announce, “I’m a trainer and I can help you with your big fat body.” When I was selling plus-size vintage clothing, I had “tea party sales” where larger women come could, have tea and cookies and try on clothes in a relaxed atmosphere. Another clothing seller said I should also sell DIET PRODUCTS at these events! She was thin, of course. Didn’t get that it might be considered, uh, offensive, both to me and my customers.I recently got out of the business because of the economy.

Ella Fitzgerald

Cassy: There are always going to be those who will try to capitalize on the plus trend. I am seeing it more than I would like right now.  Well love, I really enjoyed talking to you!! This is rarely talked about. Maybe we can champion the cause together!

Elisa: I would be more than delighted! Maybe next year there could be two or three white women in the Curvy Collective! I really admire what you’re doing, and your courage to explore this issue.

Cassy: Thank you for that. I always felt it takes one person, one thought to start a revolution. I don’t have much but what I do have is the desire to make a difference.

Elisa: It has been a real pleasure and very thought-provoking. I’ve never discussed these issues before. You really made me think! You have more than you know, my dear.

Check out more musings from Elisa DeCarlo on her site, “Diary of a Mad Fashionista”.

Since posting part 1, I have been contacted by many women who feel that there is a need for unity in the plus community. We don’t have to be the same race to support one another. Being against injustice should be the common denominator that binds us. The rally cry against discrimination, whether it is against race or size, is a rally cry for the improvement of the current “human” condition. We all should be able to join the fight together.

I will leave you with video from the 1952 sitcom “The Beulah Show” starring 2 ground breaking plus size women of color-Hattie McDaniel(the first Black woman ever to win an Oscar) and Ruby Dandridge (mother of Dorothy Dandridge).

Coming soon Part 3 of Cultural differences in the Plus Community- How does it feel to be plus in Paris? Does having plus events really make a difference?

I had the extreme pleasure of attending Full Figured Fashion Week™ (FFF Week) again this year in New York. FFF Week and positive events of its kind clearly are never solely about fashion. With the fact that the United States is predominately plus and still under served, not represented and often times disrespected, the need exists to create events that would cultivate the overall discussion of size acceptance from the inside out. This was well achieved by FFF Week with the addition of panel discussions that took the cause off the runway and brought to relevance the full plight of the plus size woman.

As I glanced around the room during the opening night fashion showcase , I was excited to see so many people in attendance. What surprised me was that there wasn’t a larger cultural mix of plus sized women in attendance. We are all beautiful at any size, any race and the message of size acceptance is universal. I glanced around the room and noticed Elisa DeCarlo, creator of “Diary of a Mad Fashionista“, a blog where Elisa honestly details her perspective on life as a confident and stylish fashionista. She was the only Caucasian that was part of the “Curvy Collective”, a group of bloggers that report on the events surrounding FFF Week. Elisa sat beautiful and proud, visibly excited about the fashion show she was witnessing unfold.

What I didn’t know was while I was pleased to see women at the event that looked like me-plus sized and African American, Elisa was pondering, why wasn’t there more women that looked like her- plus-sized and Caucasian? Are there truly cultural differences when it comes to size acceptance? Is just being plus sized enough to unify us? To examine these questions, I invited Elisa to a candid conversation about cultural diversity in the fight for size acceptance, the perceived historical shift in the size debate and what we can do to bridge the gap. *Please keep in mind these are the perceptions of 2 women, we are not professing to speak for any one race as a whole.
 
 Cassy: OK so lets get started!! How did you feel about “The State of the Curvy Community” panel discussion that you were apart of?

Elisa DeCarlo

Elisa: I felt pretty good about it. My only wish is that we had concentrated less on fashion and more on “what IS the curvy community”?
I saw at FFF Week that the ratio of black women to white women was about 80/20%. That puzzled me. It raises a host of issues.

Cassy: That was how it was last year too! I don’t know why that is. Why do you think that it wasn’t more white people involved as participants?

Elisa: There is a LOT of shame about weight in the white world. Being 25 pounds overweight is a terrible thing. I found that some people I told about it thought it was a joke. The idea of celebrating your body as it is, which I found so joyous and liberating, is not encouraged in white culture. There are a lot of activists out there, but they aren’t heard–they’re looked at and judged. Our role models are unrealistic–when JLo is considered “curvy”, you know you’re in trouble.

Cassy: That is really shocking to me. There are powerhouse organizations that are ran by predominately white people that touch on issues of size acceptance. I wonder if mixing fashion and activism is the issue?

Elisa: You have a point there. Traditional fashion means stick thin, anorexic, whatever the color of the model. I’ve seen many of these models while working NY Fashion Week, and believe me, they are scary! But they’re held up as role models to women. The traditional fashion world thinks size 6 is a plus size!

Marilyn Monroe

Cassy: Fashion itself is superficial really, where as activism goes deeper than. The runway is fantasy for the most part. When you see a black woman on the runway you tend not to think about the fact that she is the only woman of color or that she had to fight to be a part of it in the first place. When you place realism on the runway then you are confronted with real issues of clothing fit and real options. Designers have to work harder to make it work.

 Elisa: Yes, but I think you have to tackle the superficial head-on the way Full Figured Fashion Week does. Those models were beautiful. So many women I told about it said, “I wish I could have been there.” Many (white) size activists don’t confront fashion at all because it’s considered superficial. But what is superficial is what dominates the culture at large and the images we’re shown, at least for white women. I could be very wrong, but it seems to me that black-oriented media embraces the larger woman. Do you think so?

 Elisa: No, you’re not. Women with virtually no body fat say, “I need to lose weight.” I have yet to meet a white woman who doesn’t think she needs to lose weight. And often it’s so far from the reality it is shocking. You mention plus size and you get the same damn argument thrown back at you: fat is unhealthy, fat people are a drag on the health care industry, fat people are disgusting. Particularly fat women.

Cassy:…. and the argument that it is easier for a designer to dress a hanger than a woman of size. Like Yuliya of IGIGI said on the panel, it does cost more to create garments for a larger frame.

Elisa: I interviewed the fashion designer Vassilios Kostetsos (it’s on my blog) at NY Fashion Week, and he said plus size women should not be allowed to wear his clothes! Most of the designers are disgusted by larger women–he just said what many of them think. Believe me, I’ve seen the looks on their faces when I ask, “Would you ever design for a woman my size?” Too bad, because we have the money to spend on clothing! I don’t want to let designers off the hook (this rant doesn’t include Yuliya). Mid-price designers are perfectly capable of designing clothes for larger bodies. If you look at small-size websites like Newport News, or Spiegel, or Talbots, you’ll see that their clothes are made cheaply with a “one-size-fits-all mentality”. To say it drives up the cost is pure BS. Manufacturers know that plus-sized women will pay more for the same clothes in a larger size because they have fewer choices.

Cassy: Where did the perception of “thin is better” begin I wonder? In the 20′s and 30′s curves were considered sexy. In the 50’s, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and she is considered the sexiest, most alluring woman of all time. Then in the 60′s and 70′s Twiggy emerged and the super model began to take shape. It seems that the white community has been driven by the media’s portrayal of beauty. Since blacks rarely saw many people of color in the media, we were not fully swayed by what we saw to a large extent.

 Elisa:You make a very good point. I think your community should be proud of not trying to imitate the media images.

Cassy: It has not always been a easy journey to size acceptance for those in the black community either. We didn’t see anyone of color in mainstream media unless we were in service to someone else or performing. Many felt they had no chance of being whatever was portrayed positively in the media because we didn’t look like that image. I am Black and Curvy? I might as well not even try….

Elisa: Women talk about the “diet culture.” Let me ask you, besides Queen Latifah, who DID NOT specify how much weight she lost, how many celebrities of color have you seen on those countless diet commercials? No, it’s Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond, and all of the testimonials, if you look at it, are white women. I never thought about that before. Huh.

There is also the economic point of view that, in cultures where scarcity is the norm, weight is a status symbol. It’s no coincidence that Twiggy became a star in the 1960s, a period of tremendous economic prosperity. When prosperity is the norm, being thin is a status symbol.

Cassy: Maybe that is where the difference lies. Status or lifestyle choice.

Elisa: Yes, the thinner, the better. There’s the old Duchess of Windsor line: “you can never be too rich or too thin.” Now THAT’s a white point of view! In order to imitate the movie stars, models, rich women, we have to be THIN. Really thin.

Cassy: In the black community we celebrate, grieve and sometimes communicate by feeding each other, that closeness feeds the soul.

Elisa: God, I envy that. These days, most white people don’t cook! I cook, and people think I’m strange for actually making my own food. But my Italian parents did it, and to my father, spaghetti and meatballs equaled love. What you are describing is a beautiful thing, and definitely something missing in the white culture. If we all started cooking, Marie Callender and Healthy Choice would go out of business!

Cassy: I have always felt that white people have had more power to effect change when it comes to size acceptance than anyone in the black community. By power I mean since white people are perceived to have control over mainstream media, they have power to change the worlds view of size acceptance.

Elisa: I don’t think that’s quite true, but it’s probably mostly true. Sometimes I think Christina Hendricks is our token “curvy woman.” She has an amazing 1950s body, but for magazine covers and photo shoots they Photoshop her into being thinner. You can contrast and compare by looking at runway candids. I mean, look at those tabloids that have “best and worst beach bodies”! Who cares if Jennifer Aniston has cellulite? She’s middle-aged, for God’s sake! Demi Moore had her KNEES lipo suctioned! 

True story: I had a breast reduction. I was a GG/H. The plastic surgeon brought out an album, then looked and said, “This is the wrong album.” He got another album of before and afters, and every woman in it was either black and hispanic. When I asked him why, he said, “white women don’t have breasts like yours.” WHAT??? This white woman did! Lots of white women have naturally really big breasts! The doctors I saw all advised me to go down to a C cup, but you’ve seen me. That was ridiculous. I went for DD. I mean, I’m big, I’m tall, I need big breasts!

Cassy: That is crazy!!! And that was a doctor??

Elisa: Totally serious!! I don’t tell that story too often because I don’t want to be misunderstood, but it was utterly shocking.

Cassy: There are thinner black stars that we aspire to be like also. Music videos didn’t show women with curves until the late 90′s but it is a particular curve that is featured. As long as you had hips you were good but you couldn’t be sizable all over. You only saw women of size in parody for a long time. Thank goodness that is changing!

Coming soon Part 2 with Elisa DeCarlo:  What is culture of plus activism? What is the plan of action to unify all of us?

Going through a divorce is difficult enough.  The last thing you want to do is feel like you’re being taken advantage of.  Here are a few tips that any woman can use if she is forced to negotiate her own divorce settlement.

Prioritize

If you’re like most people going through divorce, you feel cheated, deprived, and betrayed. You believe you must insist on a laundry list of concessions.

You’re probably right. You should insist on some things that you really need. To accomplish your key goals, though, you need to think through what you absolutely must have, and what you would be willing to give up to get it.

I recommend that you actually write out a list of your priorities. This is not to share with anyone, except maybe your lawyer or coach. It’s to help you devise a strategy – a way to focus on those goals that are key to you.

Put at the top of the list those concessions – money, time, property, whatever – that you absolutely cannot do without. Work gradually down the list to the items that you’d rather have but could easily give up if it would help you accomplish your more important goals.

Clarify

This is your new life. Don’t depend on the old rules. If you and your spouse agree for you to be responsible for the Visa card, make sure you know when your spouse will stop using it. If you’ve decided for the children to live with the other parent every other weekend, make sure you know when and where they’ll be picked up, and when and where they’ll be at the end of the weekend.

If you’re planning to take them camping, make sure the other parent knows it so they won’t have a suitcase full of dress-up clothes. Spell it out. You’ll be glad you did.

Negotiate within the negotiation

Negotiating in divorce is all about trading one thing for another, what I call mooshing. Sometimes the items being traded look and act alike, such as when you take the J.C. Penney bill and your spouse takes the MasterCard bill. Sometimes, though, they can be quite different, such as when you give up the big-screen TV for a touch more alimony or even for a commitment that the kids will go to temple once a month. As long as you keep your attention on the time value of money and think strategically, there’s no problem with mooshing. It’s sort of what you do in divorce.

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Going on a first vacation can be as stressful as moving into a new house or even having a baby. Both of you will have high expectations as well as doubts about whether you made the right decision by going on vacation together. In addition, once you reach your destination there will just be the two of you. So the vacation could be the best thing that ever happened to you or a total disaster.

A vacation puts you under the microscope and your planning skills will be under the scanner. You will get to know what kinds of activities interest your partner and how you work as a couple.

You may want to go sightseeing, wining and dining while your partner may hate crowds while on holiday. You may love sunbathing while your partner may hate getting a tan. On the brighter side, you may find that you and your partner bond even better than before.

Relationships often do not stand up to the pressures of a first vacation so make sure you plan your trip well, are ready to adjust and maintain your sense of humor. Once your vacation goes off successfully, it may signal the beginning of a more permanent relationship. If your vacation is a disaster you may want to rethink your relationship.

Here are some tips on how to plan your vacation better so that you are more relaxed and have a better chance of making the trip work for you.

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Men and women have evolved quite a bit to become the flirting specialists they are today. Gone are the days of clubbing a wooly mammoth over the head and dropping it off at a pretty girl’s cave; no longer can women demurely drop their handkerchief in front of a suitor, without being chastised for littering. Yet, there are many ancient ways of flirting that still hold strong (men puffing their chest out; women seductively swaying their hips). And while the goal of flirting has expanded to reasons other than to pass on one’s genes, it will always remain a timeless art.

Women are often touted as the better flirts. They’re subtle and seductive, and can say so much with something as little as a wink or a smile. Queendom data, however, reveal that while women did have a slightly higher tendency to flirt, it was men who fared slightly better in terms of flirting expertise and techniques. In terms of style, both genders had a greater tendency of being “Drive-by” flirts, applying their seductive techniques anytime, anyplace, and anywhere, but mostly just for the fun of it. “Future-oriented” flirting was the next most popular flirting style (flirting to find the “one”), followed by the “Pragmatic” flirt (flirting to get something tangible, like a good deal), the “Toxic” flirt (flirting for revenge) and, pulling up the rear, the “Carnal” flirt (flirting solely for sex).

On the surface, this seems pretty innocent. Men and women love to flirt, plain and simple. It’s fun, makes you feel good, and lets you know that you still “got it”. Queendom decided to dig a little deeper, winding their way through the sucked-in guts, bravado, lip smacking, lash batting and seductive winks to uncover some interesting little tidbits revealed by the flirting population who took their test. This is where things became tantalizingly interesting.

The study also revealed that men’s most popular flirting gestures when chatting with a woman are to smile and to lean in to show interest, while women smile and look deep into a man’s eyes. Other interesting flirting tidbits: 45% of men would converse with someone they found hot at a funeral; 36% would ask that person out, while still at the funeral (55% and 19% respectively for women). Only 10% of women would flirt with a male car salesman in order to get a better deal.

To claim that men are brutish and uncivilized flirts or women are notorious seductresses who use their feminine wiles to ensnare unsuspecting gentlemen would be unfair and a misconception. Granted, there are some people who use flirting as a means of manipulation, but for most, flirting is entertaining. As it should be.

About the Author: Queendom.com is a subsidiary of PsychTests AIM Inc. The site offers a full range of professional-quality, scientifically-validated psychological assessments that empower people to grow and reach their real potential through insightful feedback and detailed, custom-tailored analysis.