I knew she was wheelchair bound. I knew she was CEO of a company, Sunshine Project H.E.L.P, that provides help and training to those with spinal cord injuries. Sometimes her organization may help others with getting equipment.  I knew she had a modeling troupe of models who were also wheelchair bound, Sunshine Models on Wheels. I knew they put on shows and did fundraisers. I was even aware that they had participated in  Baltimore Fashion Week last year (a first). What I didn’t know was how she got there.

Recently my client, Sunshine King, sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted it of course but I did what I normally do, go look at the info page. I was shocked when I read that it was her husband who had shot her twice and one of the bullets is what put her in that wheelchair. It made me admire her even more. It made me want to introduce the world to such an incredible woman. When you speak to her, she is just as funny and nice as can be. You don’t hear an ounce of self pity or anger. You hear how much she wants to help others and let those with spinal injuries know that the wheelchair can’t stop you from doing what you want to do – even modeling!

Sunshine (such an appropriate name) is also an actress, dance and model instructor, fashion consultant, makeup artist, choreographer, massage therapist and of course a survivor of domestic violence. She even has a fitness program for those with spinal injuries. She wears more hats than an able bodied person.

This is only a brief glimpse and I plan on doing an actual interview. When you get a chance venture over to her website where you can even donate to such a great cause.

Take a moment to envision where you want to be in life. Where do you want to live? What do you want to look like? How do you want to feel emotionally? What kind of car do you want to drive? How much money do you want to make? What do you want the state of your business to be? What do you want for your family?

Now, think about the thing or things that are holding you back from where we want to be. If we are completely honest with ourselves we will admit that our largest obstacle is often the person that we look at in the mirror every day.

There are several ways that we get in our own way. The most obvious is not believing in our own abilities thus allowing fear, doubt, negative self-talk and procrastination dictate our futures. If we do that, we know it…but I want to call out some of the other hidden and sometimes subconscious things that we do to sabotage ourselves.

1. Burning the Candle at Both Ends and In the Middle!

When you have a vision or a goal that you’ve set for yourself, it’s a natural tendency for those that are driven to want to grind and give it all we’ve got. The problem is that sometimes we go so far as to give it what we don’t have as well.

I remember the first and only time that I ever ran out of gas in my car. I was ripping and running all day, and I actually had the money. I was just so busy pushing my agenda to the limit that I never set aside the few moments that it would take to refuel. So as a result, there I was, in the middle of the freeway, at midnight, out of gas. So now, not only was I held back, I was brought to a screeching halt. I went from doing too much to not being able to do anything at all.

There are two things to keep in mind if this sounds like you. First of all, you won’t be good to anyone or anything if you are burnt out mentally, physically and emotionally. That purpose or calling that has been placed on your life will be placed on hold and you will be placed on a stretcher or a hospital bed. And finally….challenge God and allow him the opportunity to show you all that He can do for you. Trust that He’s right there next to you on the battle field of life. Faith takes work, but even God rested.

2. Spending Time Talking About What You Can’t Do and Doing What You Don’t Want to Do.

I went to see author, ReShonda Tate Billingsley speak the other day, and one of the many things that she said that stood out to me was, “Every minute spent talking about what you can’t do is a minute that could be spent doing it.” This rings so true! We spend SO much time talking about what we can’t do and why we can’t do it. Those minutes, hours, days and weeks could be spent taking action on the plan that is burning inside of us.

On the same note, we often spend just as much time doing things that we know we don’t want to do. Perhaps it’s that job that you hate and you know that deep down in your heart, if you step out on faith and leave it, God will have something even greater waiting for you. Maybe it’s all of those things that you do to help others reach their goals and realize their dreams…which is great…but what about you?

Start thinking of your moments as money in a bank account that will disappear if you don’t spend it or invest it. Think of every hour as one million dollars. You get the same amount each day, Twenty-four million dollars, and how you use it is up to you. Will you use it wisely? Will you waste it? Or will you go too hard with it and fall into burning that candle at both ends and in the middle?

There are several other factors that contribute to you getting in your own way of that future that you want including the company that you keep, your willingness to give, how you manage what you are given and so on. I just wanted to give you the two above to ponder and digest. If they hit home for you take a step or two TODAY to make shift in a different direction. Take a path that is clear of obstacles. Get out of your own way!

The good news is that if you listen to your self-talk, you can hear the assumptions that trigger the unique stressful reactions of being a busy women with a hectic life.

ASSUMPTION #1: There is a right answer and it is mine

If you are the best and the one who knows, then you have an answer for every question about things that are important to you. Always being right not only hurts your relationships, your body triggers a ‘fight-response’ when your brain senses disagreement. Even if you have learned to manage your mouth, your belief will still trigger your stress. Can you let some other people be right sometimes too?

ASSUMPTION #2: No one can do the work as well as I do

Things will spin out of control or fail if they aren’t done by you. As a result, you will overwork, take on too many projects, and resist sharing your work with anyone else. This not only produces stress, you are often resentful and exhausted. Look for the times you can develop someone else by training and delegating, and allow others to learn from their mistakes as you have also done.

ASSUMPTION #3: I am disappointed, again

Whether it’s a job or a relationship, you start out excited about the possibilities, then you feel let down. This is due to the unreasonable standards you set up which no job or person can meet in the long run. If you don’t tone down these expectations, you will always focus on what is wrong. Try focusing instead on what is right and what is possible.

ASSUMPTION #4: I don’t need help

You are a strong, smart woman so you don’t need anyone to help you succeed. You can figure it out on your own. Unfortunately, this assumption is a horrible waste of your precious time. Letting other people help you is more efficient, it builds relationships, and you look stronger in the long run.

ASSUMPTION #5: I have to be great at everything I do

For the first time in history, girls are brought up to believe we can do anything. To make up for lost time, this message is being delivered with a vengeance. As a result, girls interpret the words to mean, “I must be great at anything I choose.” Then as a woman, the more knowledge and experience you gain, the heavier is this “burden of greatness.” When one accomplishment is complete, you quickly search for the next great thing to conquer. As a result, you may not enjoy your achievements as you busily, and stressfully, move on to accomplish something more.

About The Author: Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., master coach and author of the groundbreaking new book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, June 2010), identifies the 5 stress-inducing assumptions that many women tend to make.

Author, Maureen Daigle-Weaver believes that writing about your life, what we call ‘journaling,’ can improve job satisfaction, help solve unemployment, aid in juggling modern family dynamics, bring focus to marital and work relationships, and simply bring about a sense of emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

She believes that people can derive benefits from journaling that they had never thought of before, including:

Trouble at Work

In a recession, many of us are holding down two jobs or just barely clinging to the one we have. Journaling can help you eject the stress and harness the positive feelings you have about your job and keep you on an even keel.

Family Matters

Taking care of a family financially is enough of a challenge in these times, let alone tending to a family’s emotional needs. Finding energy and focus at the end of a long day can be a dilemma, but journaling can help you prioritize your family’s needs along with your own.

Stress

So many of us live life off balance, lurching from one crisis to the next, without any ability to think or focus on what really should come next. Journaling can act both as a tool to help you vent as well as one to help you create order in your life from amidst the chaos. It can be a source of peace and serenity in a time when we all seem to need it the most.

About the Author: Maureen Daigle-Weaver, has a B.A. from the University of Toronto, and is the mother of three adult children and four grandchildren. author of Write Yourself Free: Conscious Living and Personal Peace Through the Power of the Pen (www.journalingforhappiness.com).

She knows all too well that her weight loss successes are due in part to a tremendous family support system who encouraged her and created an environment that fostered a healthy lifestyle. She has lost 30 more lbs since the finale show, making her truly an inspiration to those who feel like there is no hope in controlling their weight.

Carla’s journey to losing the weight and keeping it off  is the catalyst behind her involvement with the Health and Weight Loss Family Festival Saturday, June 26 in Morristown, New Jersey. This free event is hosted by the daughter of Former Heavyweight champion Muhammed Ali, Khaliah Ali and will feature fun activities for the family, all the while providing alternatives to assist those that are struggling to control their weight and assistance for the families that support them. For more information, visit their website.

Carla has been keeping busy since her appearance on The Biggest Loser. She is the C.E.O. of  Let’s Get Gorgeous, an image consulting firm and is also a  fitness advisor. She  recently added model to her growing  list of titles having just appeared in a photo shoot for Plus Model Magazine and on the runway during Full Figured Fashion Week™  in The Susan Moses Collection.

I often take long road trips to literary events or to visit book clubs in other cities around the United States, so it may come as a surprise to you that I AM NOT a big fan of driving. As the hours go by I find myself saying, “I really wish that I was in the passenger seat.”

When it comes to life, work and relationships we often try to dictate, manipulate and control our destiny. This may just sound like a person is being ambitious or a go getter, but is it actually a lack of faith? We always say that people should “make it happen” but in doing that are we short changing the true possibilities of what we could have if we allowed ourselves to be led?

Think about a sports team. Every team has a captain. In order to be a captain one must be a strong leader. ..BUT every captain has a coach.

Don’t get me wrong…it is great to be driven….but that has a duel meaning. Think about it. If you are a driven person then you set goals, get things done, have a vision, you’re a go getter, etc…BUT if you are driven, or being driven…then that means there is a driver. So once again, you are in the passenger’s seat.

Now let’s look at it in terms of love and relationships…I may get a little personal or controversial here depending on your view point situation but keep in mind that these are just my thoughts and opinions.

I’m all about girl power and being an independent woman and everything but there is nothing like getting all dolled up and having a man pick me up for a date. When I have to pick up a man, all of the time, I find myself feeling cheated or frustrated. I understand that everyone falls upon hard times, and not everyone chooses to have a car, but that is another one of those times where I find myself saying, “I just want to be in the passenger’s seat.”

So you see, the passenger’s seat is not at all a bad thing, it is actually a metaphor for so much more. In a marriage it symbolizes how a man should be able to lead his wife and family. In business and life it represents how although we should still put in the work, we should exercise our faith, let go of the wheel and trust that God has the power to lead us farther than we can ever take ourselves.

I still have so much more to say on this subject, but for now…let that marinate, then let go and let yourself be led by faith and by the One that is far more qualified and capable than you to steer your life in the right direction…Get in the passenger’s seat.

Monday Motivation with Monica Marie Jones

I’m sitting here at the Detroit Metro Airport after having missed my early morning flight to Rochester, New York. In the past I might have cried or been frustrated to the point of making myself physically sick. Now I sit here just as calm and cool as a cat because of something my mother always told me…”Everything happens for a reason.”

I called my Mom to let her know that I’d missed my flight and after about 37 seconds of sympathy she said, “What happened to last week’s Monday Morning Motivation? Why didn’t I get it? Did this new anti-virus software remove it from my computer?” I had to smile. I didn’t do a Monday Morning Motivation last week because of the holiday and it wasn’t looking like I was going to be able to do one today either because of the early travel and business that I need to prepare for. Well wouldn’t you know, I guess God had different plans for me today. Perhaps I missed that flight just so I could get this out to you.

I strongly believe that when something is placed on your heart, you must get it out, because you never know who’s watching and who needs to hear, feel or see your message. Just a few days ago I got a message from a young lady out of the blue. She wanted to let me know that she’d read my first book, “The Ups and Downs of Being Round” and that it inspired her to lose over 100 pounds! I was so excited to be able to touch and in some ways save a person’s life in such a way. It speaks to a motivational message that I wrote in the past based upon a quote by a dear friend. In short, when we don’t operate in our gifts, people could be dying. I know that sounds harsh, but most of us know what we are supposed to be doing, and when we do operate in that purpose, we save lives. (I’ll speak more on this in my next motivational message because I’ve already been inspired with it.)

Sometimes when seemingly bad things happen, we get angry or upset, but we must keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. Whatever has transpired may have saved us from something worse or be preparing us for something greater. I wasn’t supposed to be on that flight this morning. If I was, I’d be on it. I trust that it happened for a very specific reason. So today, if something happens take a deep breath and know that there is a greater purpose behind it.

So as I am sitting here trying to wrap up this message, a man that works here comes up to me and asks me how I like my mini net book computer. I could have had an attitude, especially with the employees of the airline since I missed my flight because the attendant wasn’t at the gate 10 minutes before departure, then the plane pulled off earlier than scheduled. He and I got to talking about what I do and he just gave me a huge valuable chunk of financial wisdom that I’ve been praying about. Its official…today is going to be a great day. No matter what happens, good or bad, know that it is for a reason and a purpose so just smile and keep the faith!

It was time. My glorious crop of spring crocuses, grape hyacinth, daffodils and tulips had finished. Only the memory of their pastel beauty and a tangle of withered blossoms and dead, brown leaves remained.

But before you plant new flowers in a pot, you must first clear out the old. Unless you do this, there will be no room for new growth. Every gardener knows that!

Clearing is hard work.

My bulbs were firmly entrenched. Their roots went deep. Worse, they were tangled with the roots of the palm I plant at the center of every pot. This palm is the heart and soul of each container, and continues for many seasons. I had to fight every rooted bulb to dislodge and remove it, without destroying the palm, though it inevitably suffered damage as I gently separated its roots from those of the tenacious, clinging bulbs.

When all was done, I dug in the hardened dirt to make it soft. I refreshed it with new soil, and mixed it together, rubbing it between my fingertips as though I was blending butter and salt to make pastry. When the soil was light and tender, the pot was ready to receive new planting. The palm looked chastened, and a bit fragile, but I knew it had the strength and stamina to send out new roots, and to regain its vitality. I let the pots rest overnight to absorb the shock of having been cleansed and fertilized.

Next day, I planted summer flowers. White impatiens, red geraniums, yellow marigolds, and blue, trailing lobelia. Soon, the pots were brimming with color and new life again. I swept the terrace, dumped the garbage bags filled with exhausted soil, and stored a few healthy bulbs for Fall’s replanting. A good watering, and my garden was good to go. I was filthy and tired, but deeply happy. Cares seem to melt away when you kneel in your garden!

When I’m gardening, I feel I am doing exactly what I should be doing. After all, God himself planted the first garden. And the very first job he gave to the very first man was to tend that garden and keep it beautiful. Gardening is God’s or the Goddess’s work.

Many have observed that gardening is a metaphor for life. It was one of Shakespeare’s favorite themes. “Our bodies are our gardens…our wills are our gardeners,” he famously said.

But human hearts and souls are gardens too. Every once in a while, we must clean out our inner pot. Get rid of worn-out bulbs and dead plants ~ old habits, griefs, attachments, disappointments, betrayals, outgrown dreams and obsessions ~ that no longer make life beautiful or give us joy.

It is desperately hard work. The old will not yield to the new without a struggle. There will be tearing and wrenching as you dig out and discard ideas and thoughts that have outlived their time. There may be a period of seeming barrenness, when life seems fragile, and stripped of the growth that once filled it. This is an illusion. A temporary condition. The old served no purpose since it was dead.

New growth and beauty will emerge when we make room for it! Try it, and watch your garden grow.

A few weekends ago I spent some time designing my new loft to make it more conducive to the creative space that I need to be in to write. I believe that our physical environment has a direct effect not only on our creativity but also on our mood and productivity. Many people agree with this belief but everyone has a very different perception of what this looks like.

As a part of my design process, I treated myself to my first, very own, top of the line bed complete with 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. This may seem like no big deal, but for me it was a major milestone. This was my first time purchasing my very own bed that was not a hand me down or some other complicated situation. What does that say about me? For years, I put many of my basic needs on the back burner while trying to cater to the needs of others and ultimately save the world. Well, even super heroes need somewhere comfortable to lay their head at night. The mini moral here is that we won’t be of much good to anyone else, if we are not first good to ourselves.

The movers came and one of them felt compelled to tell me, before he even saw my loft, that he doesn’t think this is a good place to live. He based it upon several reasons, one being that I live across from a Salvation Army residential facility. He went on to support his point by saying that when he walks out of his door, he wants to see something beautiful. He said that when I walk out my door I see killers and criminals.

I defended my space by saying, well what about the view of the river? He said, “Oh, that’s not a real view, that building is in the way, and there’s an abandoned lot…”

The funny thing is, no matter how much supporting evidence he provided to support his claim, never once did he change my lens or my frame.

If things aren’t looking so good in your life, perhaps it’s time to change the lens through which you view them. If that doesn’t work, then change the frame. The lens is your vision or perception. The frame is your mindset. Your situation can improve as quickly as you can change your mind and your outlook.

Here is how I view my situation. First of all I live in Detroit, Michigan. A city that I admire for its resilience. A city that I love. A city that I won’t give up on just for the simple fact that so many others already have or want to. Second of all, my vision reaches so high and so far that I see beyond the busy street, beyond the vacant lots, straight to the river that is framed by the sky. I look at it as a beautiful glimpse of God’s great creation. Only one piece in His vast collection of living art work. And finally, I don’t look at the men that reside at the Salvation Army as criminals or killers. I look at them as men with enough courage to take the first step to seek help. Men who are starting the beginning of the rest of their lives. Men who are on the cusp of a breakthrough who will go on to share their testimony to touch the lives of others in need.

Perhaps I view the world through rose colored glasses, but my outlook is what motivates me to inspire and encourage others. My positive mindset is what has freed me from the trappings of mental health issues that plague our community, especially in economic times such as this.

So my friends, perhaps it’s time for a new prescription. New lenses, new frames and thus a beautiful start to a new life free from so much heartache and pain.

People often say that when something bad happens, or when you go through something that you’re supposed to put the past behind you and move on. This advice has always seemed to make a lot of sense but now that I think about it, where does all of that past that you’re chucking over your shoulder go?

For years, every time I experienced a setback, a failure, a disappointment or the like, I simply tossed it behind me and kept things moving along at a rather brisk pace. Then one day I realized that I just felt heavy. I got to a place where I just could not move forward anymore.

In church on Sunday the Pastor touched on this subject, and he said that back in old days the punishment for killing a man was that his dead body would be tied to your back. Imagine having to go through life with a heavy, smelly rotting dead person on your back.  That dead person represents the old you. I know that image is rather grotesque so let’s liken the dead person or the old you to an over sized and over stuffed backpack.

When you put your failures behind you, you are placing them in an overweight back pack that represents your emotional and psychological baggage. In order to move forward it is necessary to acknowledge or address those things or people that have hurt or harmed you. I’ve found peace and healing in using those negative situations in my writing, thus helping others while simultaneously freeing myself of the extra baggage.

So today I encourage you to remove that back pack, empty it out. Lay the things that were in it out before you. Deal with them, learn from them, and use them as stepping stones so that you may reach further and higher without the heavy burden.