When most women go on a date for the first time with a new man she’s usually preoccupied with how she looks, what she’ll say, if she’s going to impress him. She puts in extra effort to make herself look and sound good to the man sitting across from her so that he’ll ask her out again, hoping to make a love connection.
The problem is some of us get so caught up in trying to impress the guy, that we never take time out to consider whether or not the guy is really worth pursuing. I call this defensive dating. This means everything you do on a date is in response to what the man does or in anticipation of what a man will do or say. Many women do this instead of paying attention and deciding if the guy meets their criteria.
If you are a woman who’s had trouble dating or meeting decent men, this can be especially challenging. When really good potential suitable mates seem scarce, when you finally do meet a guy that may be a possible match it’s easy to lose yourself in what you assume he needs and wants you to be, instead of focusing on your own needs in the relationship. I believe this is why it can take a woman several months or even years to figure out that the guy she is with is not right for her. Because once the dust settles, you get the guy and you come down off the love high, you finally start to see things as they are and you begin to take stock of your own feelings.
But there is a remedy. When you’re dating someone new take a step back and ask yourself 2 questions:
- How do I feel when I’m with this man?
- Is this relationship something I want to pursue?
Are you dating on the defense? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.
About the Author:
Trenia Parham is an experienced dating coach. She teaches women practical dating tools, tips and strategies that won’t compromise her authenticity, in addition to what an available man looks like and how men show up when they want to be in a relationship with a woman and what they do when they don’t, from the first date to the walk down the aisle.