Last week Love & Hip Hop (Atlanta) premiered and although I knew it would be filled with drama, scandal and more drama, I tuned in. Like a psychic, I was right. I walked away thinking, “What type of mess is this?” But more importantly, I walked away from the television more confident with who I am as a woman.

I am not defined by a Basketball Wife, a Real Housewife or a Hip Hop Wife, I am defined by me. The women you see on television are entertaining with their purse throwing, neck rolling and table jumping over antics but the only similarities that we have are the fact that we are women. I don’t act like they do when I’m amongst my friends and the things or people that are important to them, mean nothing to me. However, their mere existence does not cause me to become upset, start a movement or even throw stones at the television screen. I understand why some do get upset over the way these women act on national television but I know who I am so I pay them no mind.

Remember when you were younger and someone would call you out of your name? When you were in middle school, you would get upset and want to fight but the older you got, the less you were affected by such obscenities.

Do you know why?

Because you found yourself and the more you realized who you were, the more you realized that calling you anything other than your government name was a mute point because no one can define your inner being.

So the next time someone says, “I don’t like those wives on VH1 because they represent women of color poorly”, you have my permission to say, “No one defines who you are, but you and they definitely don’t define me.”

View Comments (2)


  1. Ms. LMC

    June 26, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Great post Steph! Does this show portray women of color poorly? Only the women you see on that show and those who choose to identify wholeheartedly with the foolishness. Yes, I’ll do a neck roll, might even get snarky at times but I will not allow any show to define me.

  2. Thanks Ms. LMC!

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Stephanie Penn is the Editor-In-Chief of She spends her days and night finding plus size news to share with you and interacting with the readers. She loves music, writing and anything with a positive vibe to it.

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