10 Dating and Relationships Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

10 Dating and Relationships Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Daily Venus Diva

By Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman and Meagan McCrary, authors of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags

Having collected relationship red flag stories from thousands of women, we’ve read some pretty unbelievable accounts of men’s not-so-nice (to put it lightly) behavior. We’ve also noticed somewhat of a pattern: Certain red flags—warning signs we define as indications that there might be an underlying issue in your relationship—just kept appearing in our inboxes from women who wished they had recognized the signs earlier. Learn from their mistakes, and avoid dating disasters of your own, by being aware of these 10 big red flags.

He’s not really your boyfriend

If he hasn’t “defined the relationship”, otherwise known as “DTR”—it doesn’t matter how many dates you’ve been on or how many times you’ve slept together … you are not his girlfriend. A fact he will be sure to remind you the second you expect him to treat you like one.

He treats you like a, well, slut

Even if your relationship is largely sex-based, a man should still be interested in your comfort and pleasure—not simply use your body as if it’s simply there for his disposal. Without some tenderness, sex becomes more business transaction than intimate encounter . . . in which case, you may as well ask him to leave you a check by the nightstand.

He’s only there for you when it’s convenient for him

A guy who won’t commit to dinner until twenty minutes before he’s supposed to pick you up is clearly waiting to make sure he’s not going to miss out on whatever his buddies are doing. In addition to making you feel trivial, this guy is undependable—he’ll be around on sunny days but as soon as the clouds roll in, he’ll run for cover.

He’s a narcissist

While a little self-love is healthy, a man who is too busy gazing lovingly at his own reflection to attend to your needs, or even compliment you once in a while, is not one worth dating. Narcissism is an actual psychological condition that usually requires therapy to remedy. However, in order for treatment to work, the man must be able to admit that he has a personality flaw. Good luck convincing a narcissist that he’s anything but perfect. No one, including you, will ever be good enough for him or worth his attention because, after all, he’s already found the best lover . . . himself. And when your Romeo is living in his own little world, a healthy relationship is a fantasy.

He doesn’t have your back

If your guy is constantly pointing out your flaws or correcting you (like when you say “uh huh” instead of “yes”) in front of your friends, family, colleagues (or even total strangers), he’s letting you, and the world, know, that he really doesn’t have your back. Not to say that your boyfriend should never disagree with you, but he definitely shouldn’t pick you apart.

He’s shady with this phone

If he always goes into the other room to talk, he may have another woman on the side. The number of late-night texts he sends and receives is proportional to how many other chicks he’s probably sleeping with.

He accuses you of being unfaithful

We’re not precisely sure what psychology lies behind this crackpot move, but loads of women have reported the phenomenon. One girl’s boyfriend incessantly checked her phone for incriminating text messages, another’s demanded she check in with him every thirty minutes if she wanted to go out with her girlfriends, and more than a few girl’s boyfriends would go ballistic if they spied their ladies even talking to another guy.

He constantly critiques you

Maybe he’ll make backhanded comments about your weight, or have the occasional demand that you change into something “more appropriate,” either way, acts like these show that you man is less interested in you and more concerned with bending, breaking, and shaping you to look like the woman he believes he deserves. Perhaps he’ll merely offer a suggestion, but say it with a slightly contemptuous tone, or teach you a new, “more efficient” way of doing something you’ve been doing every day for ten years (how you made it this far without him there to tell you how to wipe your own ass is a miracle).

He’s inconsiderate

For this red flag, pay attention to your man’s small gestures—like if he stops at Jack ‘n the Box for a milkshake on the way to your house but forgets to bring you a treat. Inconsiderate acts early on tend to escalate the more comfortable a man becomes with the situation, and pretty soon you’ll be in a one-way relationship headed full speed for resentment.

He’s a control freak

Controlling men’s manipulative ways may take on a variety of forms: some guys may berate you into being who they want you to be; some try to isolate you from your family and friends; some present ultimatums to run the relationship. Other men repeatedly “rescue” you—chipping away at your independence until you’re fully dependent on them. Dating a guy like this puts you in an unhealthy situation, to say the least. A functional relationship consists of respect and support, not one person calling all the shots. Even if he says he’ll change, he probably won’t—cut your losses before you lose your sense of self, sense of worth, and sense of right and wrong.

For more dating and relationship advice, check out The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags, available now wherever books are sold.

View Comments (6)


  1. Ed

    July 18, 2011 at 3:32 am

    Amazing how this article points the finger at only men. What about the woman out there that are gold diggers and players? They act like they’re interested in a guy so they can get their free meal. How lame is that? What about those attention craving women that have tons of single “guy friends” & no girl friends? Hmmm.

    Go figure this article was obviously written by women. Shocker! Lol. Next time ladies, try not to be so damn biased or one sided. If you want a clue as to why guys treat you a certain way, might wanna check yourself ladies.

  2. Bea

    July 18, 2011 at 11:16 am

    If you check the website out, Ed, there’s plenty of stories from the men’s perspective… These are all things women have had in common at some point, it’s only a matter of time until they write about the male experience in dating, too.

  3. Moe

    July 18, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    Since this is mainly a women’s magazine it stands to reason the topic would be one sided or from a women’s perspective. That being said this list of top ten can easily be used for men too just by replacing he with she.

  4. Ron

    August 14, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    I see it as she not a he lol.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Daily Venus Diva

Daily Venus Diva is a daily lifestyle destination for plus size women featuring everything curvy girls need to live a well-rounded life! Published online by V.I.E. Thrive, our editors bring stories by, for and about women with curves; clothing and style advice; inspiration; dating and relationship advice; Beauty tips and trends; Healthy lifestyle options; Home, family, money, media, travel and much more!

More in Living

daniellebrooksadrienne c moore

2016 & Beyond: Five Things I Would Like To See Happen In The Plus-Size Industry

Editor-In-Chief, Stephanie PennJanuary 20, 2016
Woman working in a coffee shop

How To Pitch Articles To 7 Tips Directly From The Editor

Editor-In-Chief, Stephanie PennJanuary 18, 2016
Write for us

Want To Write For Daily Venus Diva?

Editor-In-Chief, Stephanie PennJanuary 1, 2016

5 Reasons to Say Yes to Dating in 2016

Daily Venus DivaDecember 15, 2015

Turn Your Office Holiday Party into a Career-Boosting Event

Daily Venus DivaNovember 30, 2015
Portrait of a young beautiful black woman smiling, isolated on white background

Thrive In Your Curves: Five Things Happy People Know

Daily Venus DivaNovember 30, 2015
Untitled design (91)

Navigating The Fashion Industry: Five Plus Size Entrepreneurs Share Their Thoughts

Editor-In-Chief, Stephanie PennNovember 16, 2015
Untitled design (85)

Patti LaBelle’s Sweet Potato Pie’s Stock Just Went Up Thanks To This Man

Editor-In-Chief, Stephanie PennNovember 13, 2015

What Made This Plus-Sized Woman Walk The Streets Of Chicago In A Bikini?

Daily Venus DivaNovember 10, 2015