My Grandmother Pressured Me To Lose Weight

When you think of family you think of people who love you and have your back when you need it no matter what.  You think these people will love you and back you even if they don’t agree with you.  Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.

I’ve always been the fat girl in the family.  I always knew I was the outcast because of it but I knew I wasn’t alone because my mother was also a big woman.  I was very lucky because she never made a big deal about weight.  It wasn’t really an issue till my grandmother decided being fat was a problem.

To grandmother being thin is vital.  It is more vital then breathing.  As a young child she would encourage unhealthy dieting by taking diet pills, binging and purging, and not eating.  She would never come right and say to do those things but one could see her looking at you every time you ate something.  She would get a sad look and click her tongue at you until you just felt bad for even eating a small bite.  Finally by the time I was 15 I could go a whole week without eating nothing except diet pills.

Now in the meantime the rest of my family were unwilling to stand up to my grandmother for whatever reason.  They too bowed to the pressure of the dieting.  My mother was the only one who seemed to be immune to my grandmother’s pressure.  However, I learned later my mother suffered worse then I ever did (things my grandmother made her do mom won’t even share with me).  By the time she had me she managed to shed my grandmother’s shame of size.

Finally after four years of dieting I had to stop.  My stomach was killing me, my teeth were bad  and for all the stuff I was doing it didn’t do anything for my body.  Grandmother’s pressure brought me no closer to a smaller body.  By the time I was 19 I realized I was beautiful regardless of my size.   I decided to do a couple of things in order to help myself:

1)  I sought counseling and with this help I came to realize I will never be able to make my family or grandmother happy.  I separated myself from them.  Realizing their issues were their issues and not mine.

2)  Once I separated my issues from mine,  every time my grandmother would mention my weight I would reply, ?Sorry grandma that you have a problem with my weight,? and continued to say it every time she would say something.  Eventually she cut down her comments.  It didn’t go away but at least it semi stopped.

3)  Through support groups I found friends, love and acceptance.

So I pass along to you a hard journey that finally twisted towards happiness.  My advice to you is realize your beautiful.

~Leslie Brooks