While everyone gives gift ideas, recipes, or tips on how to handle your holidays with relatives, I want to give you encouragement.  I know I’m not alone in experiencing a loss during the holidays.  Last weekend my family buried one of my cousin’s.  This is the second family member to die around the holidays, making this a very difficult time of year.

When my grandmother passed in ‘06 it was hard to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas. I didn’t decorate or buy gifts. Instead of celebrating, I cried while cooking a little dinner for my ex-fiancé and I. It wasn’t until the following year that we were able to celebrate. Even then it was awkward but thinking back to how it used to be when I was much younger made it easier to deal with.  Laughing, joking, reminiscing on old times helped ease our loss.

My suggestion to those of you who may have experienced a devastating loss is to not rush into your old routines. Accept your grief but don’t wallow in it. If your family always got together for the holidays, do so. The person who passed would want you to continue to live life and enjoy it. It’s not dishonoring their memory.

I feel that our loss has brought many of us closer together than we have been in years. We actually had gotten away from the big family get togethers. Now there are people staying in constant contact, visiting more often for big family holiday times. I also suggest keeping in mind that everyone mourns in their own way. So if there is a family member that doesn’t want to participate, don’t get upset, fuss or push. Just give them their time and space. Be encouraged that happy holidays can be had even after tragedy.