How many times have you heard this catch phrase? It usually comes at the tail end of an argument when one person irritated and frustrated that they cannot impose their point of view says “Can’t we just agree to disagree?” Although in theory it is a good thing to be able to do; few people understand what it actually means to agree to disagree!
Agree to disagree does not mean that we just give up on an argument that we feel is important and then hold onto resentment, anger, irritation, frustration or pain because of it. It also doesn’t mean that we give in, say we are sorry, or feel that we have done something wrong in thought or action. It simply means that we understand we will be unable to see eye to eye and that it is okay to just disagree on certain things in life. The funny thing is that we are able to do this all the time with our friends, teachers, strangers and even the President – but are very rarely able to do it with our spouses or family. For some reason many of us are inflated with this idea that because we are married or because we are flesh and blood – we must agree on everything.
Similarly, when we don’t see eye to eye with someone on an idea it doesn’t necessarily mean that one person is right or wrong. Arguing this would be as useless as arguing which color of the rainbow if the prettiest. Some prefer blue while others like red. This is how people are! We all have different ideas about things and much of the time they are best kept to ourselves – especially if we know ahead of time we won’t be able to sway the hard headed mind of someone else.
It is always best to just let some things go. Being able to realize which things to let go and which things to hang on to is an important relationship skill. If we spend time pretending to agree to disagree just for the sake of making things nice again; we lose our voice, our confidence, and become hesitant and angry about the relationship. If agreeing to disagree is something we can’t really do on the inside; we shouldn’t offer to do so. In life, there are things to fight for and there are things not worth the energy of an argument. Being able to decipher the difference is truly a great gift and enables us to become wonderful partners to the many people in our lives.
Valery Amador, Daily Venus Diva -- Daily Venus Diva.
I totally agree.
But i have found that agreeing to disagree takes a maturity that some people just don’t have, especially in the cyberdome.
Numerous times people have said “i would comment but..” to avoid the possibly ensuing drama.
And its usually because people ask for opinions and comments and then misconstrue and personalize them.
But as noted in the article, I don’t believe in losing my voice. I say what I think and take in what others think and to me it is what it is.
I have no need for people to agree with me and actually prefer differing opinions because if everyone thinks the same way, where is the growth and challenge in that?