While many tweens and teens have a tight-knit group of pals, school cliques can cross the line from supportive to bullying in the blink of an eye. Instead of bonding over a shared interest or cause, members of cliques connect by excluding others. While a group of friends is a democracy, a clique is a monarchy, with one or two queen bees (or kingpins) dominating the rest of the group.
Talk to Your Child About School Cliques
While you can’t shadow your child at school to ensure she doesn’t join a cruel clique, you can help her develop positive social and emotional skills — and an understanding of why and how to seek out friendlier groups.
- Model kindness and respect. “Turning off the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ mentality is a great place to start, because this will help your teen believe and trust you,” says Dow.
- Be open and nonjudgmental. Ask questions like, “What do you think this competitiveness is about?” or “How do you feel when your friends fight?”
- Reinforce good behavior. Notice when your teen does something kind for a friend and remember to praise your child for it.
- Build self-worth. Recognize your teen’s best qualities and celebrate them.
- Help her widen the net. Expose your teen to peers outside of school through community-based extracurricular activities, religious organizations, even a part-time job. Better yet, encourage her to pursue leadership positions in these groups (and school-based activities too). Working for a cause helps feed her need to develop a sense of self and purpose.
Valery Amador, Daily Venus Diva -- Daily Venus Diva.
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